She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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