I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
