you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
