It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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