I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
please come you make the beer taste better
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize