peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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