I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
