Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
