My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm passing your future prison.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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