Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
