so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
