We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize