So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
