guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
