FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
