She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
