did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
