Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
soo... how was my night?
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