East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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