Kiss
Puke
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize