I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
