u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
