well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
