Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
