Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
