dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
