i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
