my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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