Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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