wrigley field is MILF paradise
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
where are my eyebrows?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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