You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
