So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
