Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
