He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
