My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
