I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
