So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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