your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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