I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
