i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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