my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
