I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize