Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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