I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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