it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
