theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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