u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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