I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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