So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
