bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
that's an acceptable place to lick
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
