I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
