What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
