Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
