Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
