I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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