According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
