I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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