they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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