Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this will be a night to untag.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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