oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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