Do you still have your period?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize