True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize