We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
