Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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