i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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