Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
