I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
