I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
where are you?
Hypothermia
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
