Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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