Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
