Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
