It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
