Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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