It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
