Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
